Squad Numbers

As an an avid Crystal Palace fan who watches all their games and likes to analyse every micro movement closely, I have become accustomed to all the little things that each individual player does that no one else would ever notice to be out of the ordinary. The beauty of this topic is that it is not only unique to every player, but to every club around the world. It is endless, no matter if you support Real Madrid or AFC Wimbledon, you will pick up on these finite details.

This is coming from a Crystal Palace centric person and football supporter so lets get into this beautiful topic from a Palace perspective:

Marc Guehi:

Receiving the ball on the left hand side of the back two (most likely from Tyrick Mitchell in the left back position) when Palace have possession comfortably at the back, taking a couple of confident strides forward and then seeing that no option is available going forward, he nonchalantly moves the ball onto his right foot and deftly plays it across to either Joel Ward or Joachim Andersen. This action is likely met by the spectators with general appreciation with an underlying frustration of lack of apparent urgency to get the ball forward. (Although sometimes this isn’t so underlying with the typical aggressive football fans shout of “GET IT FORWARD” or slightly less commonly: “COME ON PALACE WAKE UP”

Joachim Andersen:

Receives the ball in the right hand side centre back position, takes a touch well out of his feet to open up the angle for the scrumptious action he is about to perform. He raised his head to see Wilfried Zaha (ideally) on the far side of the pitch in the left wing position, and takes a deliberate stride up to the ball and pings it, looping over the helpless opposition frontline and midfield who have been completely bypassed, and it falls perfectly for Zaha to bring it under his spell immediately. What is so brilliant about Andersens trademark ping is that it looks so effortless and is seemingly the peak of footballing beauty, it is infact a glorified crude long ball, which we all love to hate following the modernisation of football tactics in recent years.

Joel Ward:

This one isn’t so aesthetically pleasing. Wards most common action occurs when the game is slightly stretched down his side, but not so much so that us as fans start to panic for the worse. The opposition left back has the ball, and plays a hoping, perhaps desperate ball over the top for their left winger to chase. down the touchline Ward sees this coming-as he has done a million times, and he recognises that the winger that is significantly faster than he is, so starts to sprint back in the direction of the ball. When the ball has bounced 2, maybe 3 times, and is only now bouncing up to around head height, Ward takes a couple of looks over his shoulder to see the opposing winger haring after him, before wrapping his foot around the ball and hoofing it back over his own shoulder, around 25 metres up the pitch before it inevitably goes straight out for a throw in. This gains applause of recognization that while Ward has performed an unremarkable act, he has done the job that was required of him.

To be honest-that last sentence epitomises Joel Ward down to a tee.

Tyrick Mitchell:

A pretty simple one this. Mitchell picks up the ball in the left back position, in a fairly tight space. He then awkwardly moves the ball out of his feet and sends a neither low nor high ball over the top for Wilfired Zaha to chase. The ball (always) bounces slowly out at the opposing touch line for a goal kick. This is met by a trademark thumbs up from Zaha, who doesn’t look back at who he is acknowledging when he does so.

Cheick Doucoure:

Doucoure in his first season in the premier league established himself as a stalwart of Palaces of midfield for his aggresive tackling. The typical Cheick tackle involves an opposition midfielder running to Doucoures left with the ball. Doucoure will then slide in to a challenge on the midfield, stretching his legs toward the ball. It is important to note that this isn’t an openly over aggressive challenge, or what you’d call a “brexit” tackle. Doucoure stays low throughout this tackle and typically won’t injure the opponent in this challenge. The outcome of the challenge is up for debate: Doucoure may win the ball back, setting Palace away on a rambunctious counter attack. Or, on the other side of the spectrum, Doucoure may not get the ball and end up clipping the opposing player, getting himself booked in the process. (See Aston Villa 1-0 away at Aston Villa)

Ebere Eze:

Ahh Ebere Eze, where to start. Eze is a beautiful player on the ball, and his trademark skill involves picking the ball up in a deep-ish area of the pitch, ideally in a transitional moment. Eze doesn’t sprint forward with the ball, seemingly attempting to slow down the game or just not recognising the chance for a scoring opportunity. Infact, Eze is brining the ball under his spell. He glides forward towards the opposing midfield player who engages with him and attempts to make the challenge. As though the opposing player is not there, Eze glides past him, skipping over the challenge effortlessly, ideally with one of his legs having to move over the oppositions challenging leg. Once Eze has been through the crux of his trait, he either: does it again on another player straight away (see against Sheffield United both home and away in 2020/2021) and proceeds to slot the ball away ideally in the bottom corner of the net. Or, slightly less aesthetically pleasingly, he will play a simple cushioned inside of the foot pass out to either Wilfried Zaha or Michael Olise on the wings.

WIll Hughes:

Generic crunching tackle.

Jeffrey Schlupp:

Schlupp is the eptiomy of directness on the ball. Typically, he picks the ball up in a fairly nothing’y midfield area, slightly on the left, and runs. Schlupp sprints with the ball in a straight line until he gets forced slightly wider left by the opposition defender, as he enters the box. The angle becomes sufficiently tight enough for us viewers to think “oh what is he going to do from here” (there’s a high likely hood of the opportunity fizzling out) before being signficantly suprised as Schlupp fires a low shot toward the near post, bamboozling the goalkeeper and causing raucous celebrations for the Palace fans.

Michael Olise:

Michael Olise. The 21 year old frenchman lit the premier league alight with his assists and skills last season, but while his most typical action comes tantalisingly close to becoming part of those compilations, it doesn’t quite do so. Palace win a free kick on the right hand side of the pitch. It is placed too deep and too wide for Olise to even think about shooting, but not so far away that it requires one of the centre backs to come up and launch it (your typical haflway line free kick). Olise stands over the ball next to Ebere Eze, as the two deliberate with their hands covering their mouths over what to do with the dleivery. After a fairly lengthy discssion, Eze gives Olise a nod and backs away from it. The Frenchman then looks down at the ball, takes two deliberate steps back and takes a deep breath in and out, bringing his whole upper body up and down. Shades of Cristiano Ronaldo. Olise delivers the ball, an inswinger with his “wand of a left foot”. It is a tantalising ball which dips and bounces as it bypasses the helpless defenders attempting to steer it away from goal. The threat for Palace to turn this fabulous, delightful ball into the back of the net comes from someone at the back post, ideally one of; Odsonne Edouard, Marc Guehi or Wilfried Zaha. However, the chance goes begging, with the delivery JUST going past the stretching leg of the hopeful Palace player, and the ball bounces, almost pathetically out for a goal kick.

Wilfried Zaha:

WIlf Zaha is an icon of Palace, his skills and tricks have endeared him to the fans whilst he has been here (please stay) and that is certainly part of what he does the most of. Typically, Zaha will find himself on the ball on the left hand side, doubled up on by two opposition players-due to that being the only way to stop him, Zaha will size up the first of the two, slowing the pace down as the defender gets into a low position, trying to square Zaha off and force him to pass it backawrds. Zaha will suddenly burst into life, with a trick (either a stepover or a chop) to take it down the line and past the defender who is left for dead, unable to get anywhere near him and being made to look like someone pulled out of a sunday league team. Zaha will quickly find himself needing to take on the second defender who, on the sight of his teammate being humiliated, realises that he must at all costs not undergo the same fate, so decides to revert to robust measures. As Zaha takes on his man, the defender rugby tackles him to the floor, Zaha rolls over once or twice, then sits on the floor with his legs and arms outstretched, whilst staring at the referee with his eyes as wide as a full moon. Zaha will then do some adjustment to his socks, and then lift himself up and continue with the game. (not after a few more complaints to the referee)

Jordan Ayew:

Jordan Ayew is the most “frustrating effective” player i have ever watched. He clearly has ability but seems to gain more enjoyment from winning a free kick than actually using that ability to create a goal scoring opportunity. Typically, Ayew receives the ball with his back to goal, and his marker, on the right hand side. He will back into his marker with his backside before running horizontally infield for a few metres, getting the fans excited that he may be about to spray a pass to the other wing and move the team forward, but no, he instead slows up and draws a foul from his marker who was half tracking him across the pitch. Ayew then jumps onto the floor with a scream, with both of his arms wrapped around his legs, curled up in a ball.

Jean Phillipe Mateta:

Mateta is an odd one, as he has no particular skill, instead he manages very rarely perform outrageous pieces of skill resulting in a goal, which the viewer can clearly see wasn’t intended. (See Leicester at home 21/22)

Odsonne Edouard:

As the opposition centre backs have possession of the ball, Edouard realises that he has a duty to put pressure on the opposition. He meanders his way, jogging, towards the centre back with the ball, with his arms slowly and barely moving by his side. When Edouard finally arrives on the scene, the defender is already set and ready to play the ball away, which he does so, leaving Edouard to jog off again.